Marriage.....

I feel as thought this particular blog may be more "raw" that the other...it just seems to be morphing that way.

As much as I'm trying to integrate positive thinking into my life and embracing a positive outlook, I think my roots are deeply planted in a darker area.

Maybe this is where those 'roots' can be displayed...to assist in getting them out of my system.

The reason for my 'darker' thoughts at this moment derive from my partner. He will be out of a job as of Friday. Stressful (for both of us). Since learning that his company will be closing he has been working at much OT as possible. I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks. We literally fall asleep, get up, go to work and won't see one another until late at night when he's done work. OR sometimes I don't see him at all.

I've really missed him for the past while. The 'practical' side of my brain knows that it's temporary. That as of Friday he will be around ALL the time because of his unemployment. But I still find myself missing him.

I've been trying to communicate to him that I simply miss him....but the message has been lost.

Our last phone conversation ended badly because I wasn't being clear OR maybe I was being too clear and he didn't like it.

I was left feeling very selfish and childlike. Like I don't deserve to feel this way. It's wrong of me to.

Knowing that he's angry with me and that I'm questioning myself makes me nervous.

Am I really ready for marriage?